Summer '05 Preview

Revenge Begins for the Fantastic War of the Chocolate Hazzard

This may be the last summer that makes me excited to see a movie. With the end of the Star Wars franchise, I feel like I'm seeing the end of my childhood. The stories that once enthralled me are closing. Of course, there are always other blockbusters. In recent years, movies such as Shrek, Spider-Man, and the Harry Potter franchise have shown that something new always comes along. I loved the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but it too has finished (unless Peter Jackson ever gets around to making The Hobbit). Who knows, maybe this summer's Batman Begins will spawn a new trilogy for Warner Bros. Or perhaps Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will start something with their new spy couple Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

This summer is an interesting blend of blockbuster potential and rehashed trash. It amazes me that motion picture studios spend millions of dollars on films that should never had been green-lighted. If I had final approval over all the pictures offered last summer, I could have saved the studios a bundle by killing some projects (like Van Helsing and King Arthur) before they made it off the drawing board.

May

Kingdom of Heaven: Orlando Bloom and Liam Neeson star in director Ridley Scott's vision of the Crusades. Although it is supposed to be more accurate than films of the past, it still seems like another attempt to retool a historical epic for summer sensibilities. I quickly grew bored of last summer's Troy and fear the same may happen here. FGN Opinion: Wait for it to pop up on The History Channel.

Kicking & Screaming: Will Ferrell stars as a kids' soccer coach. While I love Ferrell, I have to wonder who is picking his scripts for him. This seems like a film that Ferrell might have made two years ago when he was struggling to make the transition between Saturday Night Live and a film career. After Anchorman and numerous guest shots in Ben Stiller movies, why is he doing this? FGN Opinion: Watch Ferrell's Best of SNL DVD instead.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith: At long last the circle will be complete and George Lucas' magnus opus will reach the screen. While I am unwilling to get my hopes too high, the early buzz on Episode III has been positive. The characters will be the key to the film, however. If Hayden Christensen can't make audiences believe he is Darth Vader, it will be a dissapointment. FGN Opinion: I find your lack of tickets disturbing...

The Longest Yard: When Hollywood decides to rehash old movies, do they ever stop to consider how good they were in the first place? This Adam Sandler vehicle is a remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds film. While Burt's film didn't suck, it wasn't the best piece of cinema ever produced. The story follows a quarterback who is pressured into organizing a bunch of cons into a makeshift football team for an exhibition game against the guards. While the old one managed to be more grit than glamour, the new film promises to tread every cliche known to football and prison films. FGN Opinion: Adam Sandler fans only

Madagascar: The new DreamWorks Animation release has something to prove. While DreamWorks made a big splash with the Shrek movies, the film Shark Tale made only a ripple. Expectations are high for this story of zoo animals who get shipped back to Africa and must learn to survive in the wild. With a cast of great voices, including Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, and David Schwimmer, this could be a treat for the whole family. FGN Opinion: Bring the kids and lots of popcorn.

June

Cinderella Man: Director Ron Howard teams up with Russell Crowe again (they worked together in A Beautiful Mind) in a story of inspiration and triumph. Crowe plays boxer Jim Braddock, who left boxing only to return years later and become champion. Renée Zellweger plays Braddock's wife, Mae. FGN Opinion: Must see, even if it's not normal summer fare.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: In a twist on the old competition between the sexes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play a husband and wife who are really assassins. The good news is, neither knows about the other. The bad news is, the work for competiting organizations and have been contracted to kill each other. FGN Opinion: Either spectacularly fun or abysmal. I can't decide where this one will go.

The Honeymooners: There are some classics that should never be remade, not because they were perfect the first time around, but because they were first. The Honeymooners was a classic television series that deserves to be revered, not remade. Nevertheless, if it's going to be redone, I think the idea of starring Cedric the Entertainer makes good sense. FGN Opinion: Worth a second look.

Batman Begins: The superhero genre is getting a two-fer this summer with the release of Batman Begins and The Fantastic Four. If I had to pick one, this would be it, but only because the Bat has been around longer. As an icon of vigilante crimefighting, Batman is the original. It looks like the folks at Warner Bros. have realized the roots of Batman are dark, not comic as the horrid Joel Schumacher films would lead audiences to believe. Christian Bale stars as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Alfred, his loyal butler, is played by Michael Caine. FGN Opinion: Must see! The Bat is Back!

Land of the Dead: The George Romero Dead pics like Night of the Living... or Dawn of the... are loved by horror fans. But it has been over 20 years since the release of his last zombie flick, Day of the Dead. When director Zack Snyder remade Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead there seemed to be a renewed interest in the old series. The question is, after 20 years can a Romero film stand up to modern expectations? With some interesting casting like Asia Argento, Dennis Hopper, and a cameo by Shaun of the Dead's Simon Pegg, the answer may be yes! FGN Opinion: See it with the undead you love.

Bewitched: As skeptical as I was at first, I was delighted by the trailer that I saw. Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman are just right for this movie! Rather than remaking Bewitched, the film puts a nice spin on the old television show by becoming a film about making a remake of the old classic. Nicole plays an actress who auditions for the role of Samantha. Ferrell plays the director who finds himself struggling with the fact that she's a real, nose-twitching witch. FGN Opinion: Looks like a magical comedy!

Herbie: Fully Loaded: Growing up on Disney films, I had a special place in my heart for Herbie the Love Bug. When I saw that the old series was being renewed, I was excited. The fact that Lindsay Lohan is in the lead role dampened my expectations. The humor looks tried and true for Disney, but the film seems to be aimed at Lohan fans and NASCAR followers. Where is Dean Jones when you need him? FGN Opinion: See it at the drive-in, but don't expect much gas.

July

War of the Worlds: Director Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise team up on another science fiction epic. This time around, Spielberg wants to go old school and remake H.G. Wells's immortal classic. Don't expect to discover too much about the aliens, however. The suddenness of the attack and the lack of information should highten the fear factor. FGN Opinion: Enjoy the ride, but don't expect a simple cold virus to save the planet.

Fantastic Four: After years of waiting, fans of the World's Greatest Comic Magazine will finally see a Fantastic Four feature film. This is the second attempt. The first was a 1994 Roger Corman effort that ended with the print locked away and never even distributed on video. Yeah, it was THAT bad. This one seems to have all the right angles, including Jessica Alba providing some curves. Best of all, Julian McMahon plays the villain, Dr. Doom! FGN Opinion: Summer, like Saturday mornings, is made for comic books. Flame on!

Dark Water: Jennifer Connelly has been in a number of dark pictures in her career (Requiem for a Dream and House of Sand and Fog leap to mind). This one seems like a psychological mind twist. Based on a novel by Kôji Suzuki (the man who brought us The Ring), this one looks every bit as creepy. Still, even with Connelly in the lead it may not be as good as it looks. FGN Opinion: Wait for DVD so you can hide under the covers.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: While I love the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (especially the delightfully wicked Gene Wilder), I am very curious to see how the story works in the hands of director Tim Burton. With Johnny Depp as the mysterious candy magnate, the attitude is sure to be different. Burton says that his film is true to the darker tone of the original novel. But will there be Umpa lumpa songs? FGN Opinion: Stock up on everlasting gobstoppers and stick to your seat!

The Island: What would summer be without a movie about cloning? Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson play "harvested beings" who discover that they exist only to be organ donors for other people. Engineering a daring escape from the facility, the two take off on a daring journey to find their manufacturer. FGN Opinion: Can you imagine a world of cloned Scarlett Johanssons? I am so there.

The Brothers Grimm: The latest film from the mind of director Terry Gilliam, this film stars Matt Damon and Heath Ledger as the legendary storytellers who collect folklore and stories of monsters and heroes. The edge between reality and fantasy begins to slip, however, when they find themselves confronting a real magical curse. FGN Opinion: Gilliam is hit or miss with me. If the effects don't overshadow the story, it could be worth seeing.

August

The Pink Panther: My favorite funnyman, Steve Martin, takes on the mantle of the bumbling Inspector Clouseau in this prequel of the classic Peter Sellers film. Kevin Kline plays Chief Inspector Dreyfus, which should add to the fun. My only concern is that Martin will look like Martin playing Peter Sellers and never make the role his own. FGN Opinion: Could be good. Needs more investigation.

3001: From the mind of Mike Judge (Office Space) comes the story of Private Joe Bowers (Luke Wilson), an average American who volunteers for a program that accidentally suspends him in time for a thousand years. To his surprise, however, the future isn't so bright. Evolution has taken a downturn, and Joe may just be the smartest guy on the planet. FGN Opinion: Could be very funny. Worth the risk!

The Dukes of Hazzard: Isn't the idea of a car with a Confederate flag on the roof a little un-PC nowadays? How did this childish television series ever hit the big screen? With Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville as Bo and Luke Duke, this film can't get any worse. Oh, wait, yes it can. Jessica Simpson is Daisy. The only question in my mind is "How did Willie Nelson get roped into this?" FGN Opinion: Sign of the Apocalypse. Repent! The End is Nigh!

Valiant: Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures comes a British animated tale that follows a homing pigeon in World War II as he overcomes his small size to become a big hero. Valiant (voiced by Ewan McGregor) is a pigeon in England's RAF Homing Pigeon Service who has to help his squadron of misfit pigeons overcome the Falcon Brigade as they cross the English Channel. FGN Opinion: Not Disney quality, but a nice summer diversion for the family.

The Cave: A team of researchers go missing when they try to plumb the depths of huge cave. When they don't come back, a team of trained divers go in. The problem is, the rescuers may need to get rescued. Something mysterious is lurking in the darkness waiting for them. The title pretty much says it all, doesn't it? FGN Opinion: Sounds pretty empty. I'll stay above ground.