TV Land's Terrible Top 100

TV Land is doing a show called "100 Greatest TV Quotes and Catchphrases," starting Dec. 11. I saw a copy of the list, and I am in shock.

It astounds me how many classic TV moments were left out to pander to trendy shows (Survivor, The Apprentice) and recent pop culture icons. How could anyone add a quote from Paris Hilton and leave out a classic show like I Love Lucy?

Let me say that I agree with the inclusion of the phrase "Suit up!" from How I Met Your Mother. I know it's a new show and the quote hasn't been around long enough to become a catchphrase. Nevertheless, Neil Patrick Harris's character of Barney Stinson is so memorable that this phrase belongs on the list. I only wish they could have added "It's going to be legen -- wait for it -- dary."

The biggest problem with this list is scope. First, nothing from the news should have been allowed except for Walter Cronkite's signature sign off. Al Michaels' "Do you believe in miracles?" from the 1980 Winter Olympics is a great quote, but not a "TV" quote. It's news, pure and simple.

Second, commercials are over-represented. I would have axed all the commercials from the start (or made a separate list) if keeping them meant leaving out truly memorable quotes like "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night..."

Speaking of Saturday Night Live, the list is a bit heavy with catchphrases from that show (TV Land includes six). Not that I'm complaining. It's a great show and the performers who created the memorable characters deserve recognition. Heck, you could proabably make a top 100 list just of SNL skits that spawned catchphrases. But this reflects a third problem. There should have been a limit of one quote per show. Instead, SNL gets six, while The Brady Bunch, Seinfeld, and others get two, and many shows get nothing. If a show didn't make the cut because another show received multiple entries, that's wrong.

In response, here are a few of the great television phrases TV Land failed to include (in no particular order). Thanks to everyone who helped with this list.

"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night..." -- Saturday Night Live
"And now for something completely different..." -- Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Knowing is half the battle." -- G.I. Joe
"Kiss my grits." -- Alice
"My name's Friday. I carry a badge." -- Dragnet
"Hi, Bob." -- The Bob Newhart Show
"Lucy! I'm home!" -- I Love Lucy
"Oh, Ricky!" -- I Love Lucy
"Oh, Rob!" -- The Dick Van Dyke Show
"Nanoo, nanoo." -- Mork & Mindy
"Sit on it." -- Happy Days
"Thankyouverymuch." -- Andy Kaufman as Latka Gravas on Taxi
"Make it so." -- Star Trek: The Next Generation
"I have a cunning plan..." -- Black Adder
"Jellybabies?" -- Doctor Who
"Ex-ter-min-ate!" -- the Daleks on Doctor Who
"Missed it by that much." -- Get Smart
"Hi ho, neighbor!" -- Home Improvement
"Say kids, what time is it?" -- The Howdy Doody Show
"You are number six." -- The Prisoner
"This is so sad, I must say." -- Martin Short as Ed Grimley on SCTV
"Don't jive me." -- Shaft
"You ARE the weakest link. Goodbye." -- The Weakest Link
"To the moon, Alice!" -- The Honeymooners
"Damn fine coffee! And hot!" -- Twin Peaks
"Into each generation a slayer is born." -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hey, Willy!" -- ALF
"You are a Meat Head!" -- All in the Family

And finally... the one that has been stuck in my head for the past month and is sure to become THE pop culture catchphrase for 2006. Whisper it with me, now:

"Save the cheerleader. Save the world." -- Heroes

Did I miss any that TV Land failed to include? What do you think? Leave your comments below.

Heroes Review - Chapter 10

Episode Title: Chapter 10 (1.10), "Six Months Ago"
Best Line: "You're broken… I can fix it. It's an evolutionary imperative."
Best Moment: Discovering Sylar's origin.
Rating: 5 out of 5

WARNING! SOME SPOILERS AHEAD!

Heroes continued to reach new heights this week, as Chapter 10, "Six Months Ago," takes us back in time to the origins of many of the characters' storylines. Not only do we get to see Chandra Suresh (Erick Avari) tracking down the first of the subjects to prove his theories about evolution, it also gives us some unique insights into many of the key players.

While Suresh is making the rounds, trying to find subjects who might prove his evolutionary theories, he comes in contact with a couple of key figures. The first of these is a watch repairman named Gabriel Grey (Zachary Quinto). The second is Mr. Bennett. The interesting thing is how unsurprised Mr. Bennett is by all this. It's as if he has known about Claire's gift longer than anyone.

In addition to Suresh's research, audiences are given a glimpse into some live-changing moments among the other heroes as well including: Peter's graduation from nursing school, the car crash that left Nathan's wife in a wheelchair, Claire's admittance into the cheerleading squad, Niki's one-year sober anniversary, and Matt's failure on the detective's exam because of his dyslexia. It is fascinating how each of these moments dovetails into things we already know about these characters.

The key to the jump back in time, of course, is our pal Hiro. At the end of Chapter 8, he jumped back in time to save Charlie (the waitress in the Texas diner who ended up dead by Sylar's hand). Hiro discovers, however, that he jumped too far and ended up six months in the past. This unique situation, however, gives Charlie and him a chance to know one another. As he tries to convince her that he is from the future and that she is in danger, they begin to fall in love. But all of this becomes a hard lesson for Hiro about the limits of his powers.

For most of the season, I have been evaluating the story in terms of comic books. Fair enough, considering the storyline. However, in Chapter 10, the religious allegory cannot be ignored. Not only does Suresh appear to be a god-like figure ushering in the new era of human evolution, but some other characters also appear to take allegorical roles. For example, Sylar is the first to kill another "special" person. Why? Because he is jealous of the attention that Suresh is giving the others. If that's not a Cain and Able reference, I'll turn in my Master's degree. And if Chandra is "God," then what does that make his son, Mohinder? Will he be the savior of the heroes?

Then, we have Mr. Bennett, or (as he's affectionately known) Horned Rim Glasses. Horned? Like the devil? Why didn't I see it before? And note who Mr. Bennett recruits first: a scary dude who doesn't speak and a woman (who named herself Eden, another Biblical reference) who controls others with her words. It gives a whole new meaning to "The devil made me do it." All of this makes me worry about the consequences of Eden and the Haitian abducting Sylar last week.

It's possible that I'm reading way too much into this. Nevertheless, I think the statement being made here is that this is a new world with a new morality (to paraphrase something HRG said to Eden). The old ways are likely to be replaced by a new mode of thinking and a need for new laws (both moral and civil).

If you were at all disappointed by this episode, it can only be because it wasn't long enough. I was glued to my seat for the full hour and nearly cried when it ended. I can't wait for more. How will I survive when it goes on break for the holiday?

Also, for those who need to catch up, SCI FI is running a marathon of the first six episodes on Wednesday, Nov. 29, beginning at 6:00 p.m. Eastern Time.

Heroes Review - Episode 09

Episode Title: Chapter 9 (1.09), "Homecoming"
Best Line:
"Are you the one? By saving you, did I save the world?"
"I don't know. I'm just a cheerleader."
Best Moment: Seeing the elusive missing painting.
Rating: 4 out of 5

Welcome Back, Heroes! Chapter 9, "Homecoming," introduces the first major conflict of the season. Not only do we get to see the resolution of those haunting words ("Save the cheerleader. Save the world."), we also get some tantalizing tidbits about some other major characters.

Nathan does the unthinkable and tries to destroy Isaac's painting that he received from Mr. Linderman. However, Simone has an ace up her sleeve and shows Peter the digital copy sent with the painting. For the first time Peter (and the audience at home) see the vital clue to Claire's whereabouts. It also explains Nathan's desire to destroy the painting.

Claire's election as homecoming queen was surprising and entertaining. It is nice to see that, despite looming killers and ominous portents, life goes on. Unfortunately, Mr. Bennett's desire to safeguard Claire may – in fact – be the catalyst that puts her in danger.

Last week, Mr. Bennett's concern resulted in forcing Isaac to paint another picture. Unfortunately for him, it proves useless. The "human torch" image could mean anything, including a future for someone we haven't imagined. Eden refuses to use her power on Isaac again, and tells Mr. Bennett so. It's nice to see that Mr. Bennett, for all his apparent influence, is not a god. He is just a man.

D.L. finally has a confrontation with Micah, when his son tries to escape so he can return home to his mother. D.L. tries to explain the situation with Niki, only to find that Micah may know more about her than anyone. If D.L. makes it through this alive, he needs to get introduced to Matt. Matt may be the only one who can get inside Niki's head (literally) to save her from Jessica.

Meanwhile, Mohinder seeks answers to the dream boy whose file he found locked in his father's desk drawer. The boy may be more than another riddle. He may hold answers, or at least help Mohinder find them.

Peter tries to contact Hiro, but Ando explains that he is "away." When Ando finds Hiro's picture (celebrating Charlie's birthday six months prior) on the wall, he realizes that it might be awhile before his friend comes back. They plan to meet up once Peter arrives in Texas, but when Peter arrives Hiro is still missing. Unable to wait, Peter leaves to save the cheerleader.

The only letdown for me was the fact that more heroes did not show up at Union Wells High School to assist Peter. I had hopes that this confrontation would be the first real team-up, linking several heroes against a common foe. Nevertheless, seeing Peter make a heroic stand (especially when he didn't think he had any power) was awesome. That, my friends, is what being a hero is about.

Perhaps the most significant moment in the show, however, was the brief encounter between Sylar and the forces of Mr. Bennett. Seeing Eden and the Haitian confront the serial killer seemed both ominous and thrilling. Perhaps Mr. Bennett knows more than he lets on, but what will be his ultimate role in the grand scheme of things?

At some point, the line needs to be drawn between good and evil. I'm not suggesting that viewers are unable to understand complex characters. I just think that – considering the comic book influences on the show – the storyline needs to divide the heroes from the villains sooner or later. Until recently, we assumed Mr. Bennett was the chief bad guy in all this. I'm much more likely to assume he is a wildcard, whose actions may tip the scales in the ultimate showdown.

Here's how I see the current lineup taking sides (subject to change):

Heroes: Hiro, Claire, Peter, Matt, D.L., Isaac
Villains: Sylar, Niki/Jessica, Nathan
Undecided: Micah, Eden, Haitian, Ted
Big Influences: Mohinder (good), Mr. Bennett (evil?)
Minor characters: Simone, Ando

Finally, let me admit that I was wrong. I had assumed that the whole "Save the cheerleader" scenario would be the season's climax. Instead, it came during November, which – as people who work in the television industry will tell you – is "sweeps" month. I guess it makes some sense, when you consider that the real climax for the season should be saving New York from nuclear destruction.

But ask yourself this… if the cheerleader storyline was the climax for November, what will NBC do for sweeps in February?

Heroes Review - Episode 07

Episode Title: Chapter 7 (1.07), "Nothing to Hide"
Best Line: "Heroes don't run away, bad guys do. Heroes help people, Dad."
Best Moment: Matt talking to Sprague in the hospital room.
Rating: 4 out of 5

Hello, Heroes! It's been another rollercoaster week on television's best show. Plotlines are converging, characters are coming together, and more questions are arising. This week's chapter is titled "Nothing to Hide." It's a bit ironic considering that everyone with powers is trying to hide them, and some are trying to hide from each other. The episode has a number of great moments, including a heroic team-up between Hiro (Masi Oka) and D.L. (Leonard Roberts). The story also takes a darker turn as Niki's (Ali Larter) mirror image is given control and a name.

Niki has awakened to discover that Micah and D.L. are gone. She confides in Tina (Deirdre Quinn) about her blackouts and her mirror image, whom she calls Jessica. This seems very dangerous to me. Telling anyone about Jessica is just marking them as a target for the next time she takes over. Jessica doesn't leave witnesses, she leaves corpses.

On the run, D.L and Micah (Noah Gray-Cabey) race to escape Niki. Micah, naturally, doesn't understand the implications of the fight between his father and mother. He assumes that because they are running away that his father has done something wrong. Yet, when D.L. sees an accident on the highway, his instinct is to help. Luckily, he's not the only one there with special abilities. Hiro and Ando (James Kyson Lee) are right behind.

Claire (Hayden Panettiere) has her hands full when her brother, Lyle (Randall Bentley), finds the tape that Zach (Thomas Dekker) made. She tries to pass it off as special effects, but Lyle staples her hand and realizes the truth.

Matt (Greg Grunberg) has been recruited by Claire (Clea DuVall) to assist the FBI in another investigation. A burn victim has turned up whose body is radiated. A fingerprint seared into the bone allows them to discover the identity of the alleged killer, Theodore Sprague. Claire believes that Sprague is Sylar, because of the inexplicable cause of death and no motive. Matt, however, isn't so sure. Matt also has his own problems. Despite a recent reconciliation with his estranged wife, he telepathically discovers that his wife has been having an affair.

Meanwhile, Nathan (Adrian Pasdar) allows a personal tragedy to become public to help his campaign. He has never been one of my favorite characters. The guy is a sleazy politician who has proven his willingness to do anything to get elected. So far we've seen him cover up his mother's arrest, use his brother's "mental illness" as campaign fodder, and accept a multi-million dollar bribe from a reputed mobster. This is all on top of his inability to admit to his brother that he can fly. This week, Nathan sinks even lower, using his wife's crippling injuries to get a sympathy piece from the press.

Rena Sofer portrays Nathan's disabled wife, Heidi. The circumstances surrounding her being confined to a wheelchair are sketchy. We only know that they are the result of a car accident in which Nathan was driving. She doesn't seem paralyzed, because she tells Nathan that she believes she will walk again. All of this makes Nathan's illicit rendezvous with Niki (Ali Larter) in Las Vegas unconscionable. Not because she was in a wheelchair, but because she seems to be a loving wife and mother to their two kids.

Peter (Milo Ventimiglia) and Simone (Tawny Cypress) have discovered the Isaac (Santiago Cabrera) is gone – and his paintings with him. The painting that Simone had taken has been sold. Surprisingly, it was purchased by a certain Mr. Linderman of Las Vegas. (He does keep popping up, doesn't he?) Peter, naturally, goes to Nathan in an attempt to use his brother's connection to Linderman to get the painting. Nathan talks to Linderman and acquires the painting, but then turns around and tells Peter that he couldn't get it. What kind of game is he playing? On the other hand, Nathan is smart enough to confide in Peter about his "kidnapping" attempt in Vegas. He tells Peter about the guy with horned rim glasses and the "spooky Euro dude." Perhaps Peter will be prepared when the time comes.

The biggest surprise of the episode was the revelation that there is another hero. It is a character we've already seen, and if one uses an ounce of common sense it only stands to reason that this person would have abilities too.

Now that we're into sweeps month (the time when networks pull out the big guns in an attempt to capture big ratings), we can expect the series to crank it up a notch. Saving Claire is likely to play a big part of the series for the next few weeks, but there are other story arcs to consider as well. First, who is Horned Rim Glasses (Jack Coleman) and what has he been doing to those heroes he captures? Second, both Matt and Sprague have two small marks near their necks. Was something implanted? Third, now that Claire has discovered that Sylar is not the only dangerous villain in the world, will the FBI begin a manhunt for anyone with powers?

Finally, will someone please tell me why Peter still thinks he can fly? Hadn't he explained to Mohinder (Sendhil Ramamurthy) that he could only fly when he was around Nathan? Didn't he mimic Isaac's ability to paint the future? Does he only temporarily mimic their powers or absorb them? Someone on the Heroes writing staff needs to decide if Peter understands his powers or not.

Not Unlike My Pants...

Did you ever get a song, a word, or a phrase stuck in your head? Recently, the little voice in my head has been whispering the phrase "not unlike my pants" at very weird times. It started as an off-hand comment, but then became a running joke as my wife and I began punctuating everything we said with the strange quote. It's amazing how a thought can be changed by a few words. I started thinking of all the great films I have seen, and how even the best lines could be made into something silly with the addition of one simple phrase.

TOP TEN MOVIE QUOTES CHANGED BY THE ADDITION OF "NOT UNLIKE MY PANTS"

10. "I'm king of the world!" (not unlike my pants...)
9. "I find your lack of faith disturbing." (not unlike my pants...)
8. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." (not unlike my pants...)
7. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning." (not unlike my pants...)
6. "I am big! It's the pictures that got small." (not unlike my pants...)
5. "Houston, we have a problem." (not unlike my pants...)
4. "I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." (not unlike my pants...)
3. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer." (not unlike my pants...)
2. "You can't handle the truth!" (not unlike my pants...)

And, finally, the number one phrase:

1. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." (not unlike my pants...)

Do you have a movie quote that works better? Let me know. Add your comments!