Armageddon Takes Off Like a Rocket,
But Can it Fly?

I'm the last person to ever bad mouth a special effects laden, summer action movie. I've seen them all. I usually go into geek mode about a week before the release and end up first in line. I love explosions that rock the theater's sound systems and threaten to dislodge fillings from my teeth. I like watching computer generated effects that send me into epileptic shock. So it is only with great pain that I say this: Armageddon is nothing new.

In its defense, I'll admit that Armageddon is the asteroid movie to end (let's hope) all asteroid movies. No more need to be made. Ever. No more mini-series. No more summer blockbuster features. It has been done. Now let's move on.

In case you don't know by now, Armageddon is the story of a giant asteroid (about the size of Texas) which is headed toward Earth. In an effort to save the planet, NASA has come up with the idea to blow it up. (It's nice to know that thousands of years of civilization have led us somewhere.) Rather than just shooting nukes at it, they decide to drill into the core of the asteroid and plant a bomb inside. The resulting explosion should push the two halves away from the planet.

To accomplish this mission, NASA tracks down the world's best deep-core driller, played by (you guessed it) Bruce Willis. Harry (Willis) Stamper realizes the enormity of the undertaking and refuses to leave it up to the NASA-trained drillers who have been studying the drill for a Mars mission. He wants people he knows and can trust, so he rounds up his drill crew -- a motley band that reminds me of The Dirty Dozen. Together, these drillers and the NASA shuttle crews will save the world.

That's the entire story in a nutshell. If you think you missed something, or that there must be something more, you really aren't the target audience for this movie. Sure, there's a secondary storyline regarding Harry's daughter, Grace (Liv Tyler) and her romance with A.J. (Ben Affleck). For comedic relief, Steve Buscemi plays a sex-starved maniac called Rockhound. But Armageddon is an action movie, not a thought-provoking dissertation on the sociological ramifications of an apocalyptic astronomical event.

To it's detriment, the storyline of Armageddon has more holes than a hunk of Swiss cheese. I've been something of a NASA buff my entire life, and I can tell you from a layman's standpoint that there are things done in this film which could NEVER happen in regards to the real American space program. The timetable for the launch is too rushed. The spinning space station would have made it impossible for the shuttles to dock. And don't even get me started on Grace's free reign of the two Space Centers.

Armageddon makes nice summer fare, but for all its attempts at realism it falls far short and becomes bad science fiction. As an action movie it's okay. As a drama, it's filled with cliches. Nevertheless, the special effects are -- from a geek's point of view -- worth the price of admission.

MY RATING: 5 out of 10.

RATED: Rated PG-13
RUN TIME: 150 min.