Little Toys, Big Fun
Small Soldiers Has Plenty of Ammo

The latest film by director Joe Dante (the man who brought us Gremlins in the '80s), pulls out the tired yarn of toys coming to life and sets it on its ear. Unlike the wonderment of The Indian in the Cupboard, or the silly happiness of Toy Story, Dante brings satire and humor to the screen with the help of Small Soldiers.

Unlike the classic action hero, G.I. Joe, the toy soldiers in this movie are computer-controlled, walking, talking toys with an appetite for destruction. The soldiers, a new line developed with the help of a microchip from a defense contractor, can actually interact with a child, move, and play. This Commando Elite, led by Major Chip Hazard (voiced by Tommy Lee Jones), has one mission: to seek and destroy the Gorgonites, their animal-monster mortal enemies.

Alan (Gregory Smith) plays a toy shop owner's son who pleads with a delivery man to let him have a box of the toys on consignment. He wants to bring a profit to his dad's failing business, even though he knows his dad has a rule against war toys. To his surprise, the toys are much smarter than he imagined and they nearly destroy the store that night in the search of the Gorgonites. Fortunately, the Gorgonites are programmed to hide and escape from the Commandos. Unfortunately, the Commandos decide Alan is aiding the enemy and declare war on him, too.

The story couldn't be more simple, or predictable. When Alan, the new kid in town, meets Christy -- the girl next door (Kirsten Dunst from Jumanji) -- the puppy dog romance is inevitable. His past reputation as a troubled teen leads to conflicts with his parents and a desire to prove himself trustworthy. The peaceable Gorgonites are programmed to lose, but overcome their weakness in the end. All very "ABC After School Special," thank you very much.

The entertainment provided by the toys is the sole reason for the movie. Everything else is just a means to an end. The satires of war movies, the military pep talks -- every cliche in the book is thrown at the audience. There are spoofs of other movies and even commercials, as when Chip Hazard says of a fallen comrade, "His battery may be dead, but his memory keeps going, and going, and going..."

Aside from the voice of Jones, the other Commando Elite are also recognizable. They should be. They're alumni of The Dirty Dozen. Ernest Borgnine, Jim Brown, George Kennedy, and Clint Walker all lend their voice talents to the soldiers. Their counterparts are voiced by a different kind of group. The Gorgonites have been voiced by Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer -- best known collectively as the pseudo-rock group Spinal Tap.

In addition, Small Soldiers has the distinction of being Phil Hartman's last movie. Hartman, who tragically lost his life this past May, plays Christy's father. He is an insensitive, materialistic, thoughtless neighbor -- the kind of role Hartman played so well in the television series News Radio. Also appearing are comedian Dennis Leary as Globotech's ruthless CEO, and Robert Picardo (from television's "Star Trek: Voyager") as one of the company's chip designers.

The movie does digress from satirical to stupid a time or two, as when the Commandos make an army of female "cannon fodder" from Christy's doll collection. There are also a number of quickly improvised weapons which defy explanation. All this silliness does not detract too much from the spirit of the movie.

Is there a larger message under all this mayhem? Is Dante saying that technology is evil, or that only man's application of it defines the morality? Are war toys inherently bad, and should consumers -- like Alan's dad -- avoid promoting them? If so, it seems like a strange way to make the statement, especially when the whole movie plays like a commercial for the Small Soldiers toy line.

Small Soldiers is rated PG-13 for some cartoonish violence and mild profanity. There's nothing here to really scar young teens, but younger children could be upset by the images of toys doing really bad things. Use parental judgment.

MY RATING: 4 out of 10.

RATED:
RUN TIME: 104 min.

Little Toys, Big Fun Small Soldiers Has Plenty of Ammo

Little Toys, Big Fun
Small Soldiers Has Plenty of Ammo