Frosting Without the Cake
Bachelor Tries Too Hard to Be Sweet

As I watched The Bachelor, the new comedy starring Chris O'Donnell, I failed to sympathize with the main character. Here was a young man, on the verge of inheriting millions of dollars and marrying the woman he loves, and he botches it because he feels apprehensive at the thought of losing his freedom. All I can say is, "DOH!"

O'Donnell plays Jimmie Shannon, a young man who has watched all his friends fall out of circulation one by one. Luckily, he has found Anne (Renée Zellweger), the true yin to his yang. At first she is like him, in no rush to enter a committed relationship. But after three years he begins to sense that their relationship has reached a level where he has to ask.

Adding to the pressure is the news that his eccentric grandfather has just died and willed his entire fortune ($100 million) to Jimmie on the proviso that the young man marry by 6:05 on his 30th birthday. That happens to be tomorrow. When he blows the wedding proposal to Anne, he finds himself desperately trying to find a bride in a short 24 hours.

The whole plot is hideously contrived, implausible, and hackneyed. Even Jimmie's mentor O'Dell (Hal Holbrook) exclaims, "What is this? Brewster's Millions?" Yes, it does sound like the 1985 Richard Pryor film, but it is not nearly as clever. Everything in The Bachelor feels forced, as if even the actors can not believe the silly things they are asked to do.

First and foremost, I find it difficult to believe that any guy would have second thoughts about marrying Zellweger. I mean, my gosh, look at her! The girl is Venus on a half shell. Unless she has some hidden flaw or horrible bad habit that we never see, there is nothing to convince us that O'Donnell wouldn't jump at the chance to marry her.

And yet, fail he does, and so he goes on his wife quest, albeit with a heavy heart. This is where the entire romantic nature of the film falls apart. While Jimmie drives around the city (priest in tow) revisiting his past loves, I can no longer accept that he loves Anne. Her love for him remains constant, however, and we only sympathize with her.

At one point he is asked what he is looking for in a wife. Does he begin to extol the virtues of his lost love? No. He doesn't get past shallow concerns like physical appearance. By the end of the movie, we no longer want Anne to return to Jimmie. In short, he doesn't really deserve her.

The acting in The Bachelor is mediocre. O'Donnell is unexciting, and his sidekick Marco (Artie Lange) is not much better. James Cromwell is wasted in the roll of the priest. Even Zellweger is not much more than a pretty face in this movie, although she is clearly the most interesting character. The best performances in the movie are turned in by Hollbrook and Ed Asner, who act as a mentors for Jimmie. Both the veteran actors give us something worth watching.

Brooke Shields and singer Mariah Carey make cameo appearances as two of Jimmie's numerous ex-girlfriends.

For those interested in movie trivia, The Bachelor is a remake of Buster Keaton's classic silent film Seven Chances.

MY RATING: 3 out of 10.

RATED: PG-13
RUN TIME: 101 min.